Memories
by YukiJ14
Summary: this story is also to be found on DeviantArt, just visit my page ; Mafxkurofreakjex It's actually about Kanda my fav DGM char who's getting back his memories of his previous life. I don't know what I should think of it, so let you know me? thanks :
1. Chapter 1

Memories

ATTENTION! I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY-MAN OR ANY OF IT CHARACTERS!  
IT ALL BELONGS TO HOSHINO KATSURA!

Prologue  


The young samurai stormed forward, towards the akuma.  
The fight between the exorcists and the Noahs had lasted for almost eight hours and the exorcists were all tired and wounded.

The white haired boy, of which Kanda refused to memorize the name, flied across the field and landed on his back.  
'Oi! Moyashi! Get up! This is no time to go rest!' Kanda snapped.  
'The name's Allen, Ba-Kanda!'  
'I don't mind what's your name! Just stand up and fight!'

Allen tried to stand but his legs were weak and he felt back on the ground.

Kanda ran faster and drove his katana in the Noah standing in front of him.  
Tyki Mikk grabbed him by his throat and held him of the ground.  
'Let go of me! You fucking Noah!'  
'Yo! Allen! Your family is not very nice to you and your friends.' Lavi remarked dryly.  
'IT'S NOT MY FAMILY!' Allen screamed.  
He was about to lose control over his Noah-powers. He trembled over his whole body. This was not a moment to let Neah take him over. Not yet. It was to early, he had to fight against the memory.  
'Allen! Calm down!'  
'WHY SHOULD I?'  
'Don't we have trouble enough for the moment? You must suppress Neah! We all know you can!' Lenalee was almost in tears (again).

Kanda wriggled around in Tyki's grip and he managed to come free and stepped back. 'Moyashi! I'm gonna kill you if Neah takes you over now!'  
'Won't you kill me for sure? Even if I stay human?'  
'There you have a point.'  
'Guys, we have bigger problems than your issues right now.' Lavi remembered the sparring men.  
'Lavi's right, boys, Allen, keep it up. Kanda, don't be so mean! Allen's in big troubles, so please! We can't have any more problems now! Stop fighting!' Lenalee cried.  
'Shut the fuck up, Lenalee! We all know you're still alive 'cause you're the chief's sister and it's illegal to kill you!' Kanda said.

That hit was hard taken by the girl. She started crying like never before.

Kanda sighed. 'Bitch.'

Lavi, Allen and the samurai prepared for another attack. The Noahs were a hundred meters away from then, but the exorcists knew, Tyki could be very fast if he wants to.  
All of them prepared to pick up the fight again.  
And then, suddenly, Allen collapsed.  
Lavi felt on his knees next to the young, handsome man, and tried to wake him up. 'Allen! Allen! Wake up! Fight! Don't let that fucking Noah take you over! Think about what you are! You're an exorcist! You're so much better than that monster! Fight, Allen! Don't you dare leave us!'  
'You're all to late, stupid exorcists!' Tyki was kinda laughing.  
He knew that without the Destroyer Of Time, it would be much more difficult for the members of the Black Order to destroy them.  
'Soon, that boy will join us! Neah becomes stronger every second! Allen Walker will not longer suppress him!'  
'That Moyashi is strong! He almost killed you some time ago! Or should I refresh your memory?' Kanda yelled.  
Tyki rubbed the place where Allen stabbed him, about a year ago. 'You don't have to, Mister Kitchenknife.'  
'That's not my name.'  
'I'd like to call you that.'  
'I don't mind, you won't leave this place alive.' Muttered the samurai.

Tyki began to run and Kanda brought Mugen in the attack. 'Come on, freaky Noah.'  
Lord Mikk was preparing some Tease to attack Lavi and Lenalee so they won't come help their comrade.

Lenalee activated her Dark Boots again, ready to defend the unconscious boy lying on the wet ground. Lavi let his weapon grow and waited.

Inside his mind, Allen had a fight with his inner Noah. Lavi was right. He was an exorcist, he must not lose against that fucking, irritating adoptive uncle of his. He want to life free. Without that guy taking over the control. He fought against the memory of the Noah, refusing to lose.

Kanda tried to stand up again. Tyki had smashed him on the ground and his whole back hurt. His leg was numb, but he managed to get running towards his opponent. With every step his leg hurt more and he thought he was going to pass out.

'This is your end, exorcist.'  
'Don't make me laugh, I won't end here.'  
'You can't even proper stand. Come on. You're going to die here.' Tyki was going to 'choose'. It was an annoying ability of his, which has almost caused Allen's dead.  
Kanda jumped aside, but he sank through his leg and couldn't manage to get up again.

Tyki was smiling while bringing his hand closer…  
The next moment everything was pain…  
The samurai blacked out…


	2. Chapter 2

Memories  
  
ATTENTION! I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY MAN OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS!  
D. GRAY-MAN BELONGS TO HOSHINO KATSURA!

Chapter I

Everything was white.

He tried to remember what happened.  
He got hit by that Noah, just after that Moyashi lost control over that Neah-guy.

The samurai didn't know where he was, but if felt strange familiar to him. Like he had been there before. It was a weird feeling and it was irritating him.  
'Where the fucking hell am I?'  
No one answered.  
Kanda grabbed his katana and tried to remember why he knew this place. While walking, he remarked that his footsteps didn't made any noise.  
Everything was silent, silent and white.  
'It's like the hair of that goddamned Moyashi.' He muttered.

Kanda had lost his hair ribbon during the fight, so his own, long blue hair had came loose. He sighed. His breath made little clouds but it wasn't cold.  
This was a very strange place.  
Suddenly, Kanda saw a sparkle, it was flying in front of him.  
Something told him to touch it.  
He didn't trust that 'something'.

There was no way in hell he would ever touch the sparkle.

He began to walk faster, not realizing that he was running into nothing.  
This whole place was infinite.  
There was no end to the silence and the whiteness.

His body felt like it was going to crack open 'cause there was almost no oxygen in the air.

Staying alive in this world would be a challenge.  
'I've to go back. Where is the damned exit?' He shouted.  
But there was no.

This place was a mess.  
How did he get in here again? He couldn't remember…

The sparkle flied closer, within arm's reach.  
The samurai felt a pressure to touch it. It was stronger than before.  
It felt right nor wrong.  
His fingers reached towards it…

All of a sudden, there were lotus blossoms all over the place.  
The mark on his chest hurt like hell and his legs were numb.  
'What is this now?'

He touched the sparkle carefully.

The next moment he got sucked in it.

Kanda tried to resist, but the flow was far to strong. Catching hold of Mugen, he stoped fighting against it.

He slipped into nothing.

When he opened his eyes, he wasn't back by his comrades yet.  
He heard people talk.  
'I don't know, could our son really be an apostle of God? I mean, we're atheists. We don't believe in any God.' It was the voice of a woman.  
A man answered: 'I'm sorry madam, but he's compatible with Innocence. We have to take him to the Black Order. He's not an ordinary human anymore. Actually, he never was.'  
Someone started crying. Why?  
'Come on guys, he's our only child. I know he has already turned fifteen, but still, we don't want to lose another child. We've already lost three. Let Yu stay with us, please.' A man was speaking, Kanda guessed it was the husband of the woman.  
'I'm sorry, Yu Kanda, you son, must become an exorcist. He's going with us. Good night.'  
A door closed and the woman began to cry louder.

The young samurai was shocked.  
Just what was that?  
Yu Kanda? That was his name!

But, he was a second exorcist! Almost ten years ago, he was born out of a pool of water in the body of a ten years old boy.  
In a previous life, he was murdered by an Akuma, that was all he knew.

He had lost all of his memories of his previous life.

This persons could impossible be his biologic parents. He didn't even knew them!

He heard the voices again, but this time, there was a kind of movie playing.  
It was the same dialogue as a moment ago, but now he could see the faces of the people who were talking.  
He saw the face of a beautiful young woman. She had long, dark hair in a braid, black eyes and her skin was pale white. She was tall and slender.  
She looked like a friendly, hungry vampire.

She was crying.

A man, an Asian, tried to calm her down.  
He looked like a normal man around the forty.

Kanda remembered their names.

Yuri and Tsubasa.

His parents.

A teen was standing in a corner against the wall in a corner, head down, arms crossed.  
In his whole carriage everyone could see hostility.  
His hair was short and dark, his face round and for a fifteen years old boy he was very tall.

There were also three other people in the room.

Kanda recognized Bak's father, Edgar and two exorcists he didn't know.

The dialogue continued and on the end, the two exorcists grabbed the teen and dragged him outside. The woman felt on her knees and started crying like a baby.

The samurai hold his breath.  
Realizing the young teen in the corner was him.

This was his past.  
His parents.

The white space around him was his mind.

His memories of his previous life were coming back!


	3. Chapter 3

Memories

**ATTENTION! I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY MAN OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS!**

******D. GRAY-MAN BELONGS TO HOSHINO KATSURA!**

Chapter II

The movie stopped. The handsome, young man was back in that damned, white nothing. But now, there were sparkles flying everywhere. 'What the heck…'  
Was this all his imagination? Was this all just a dream?

A voice was coming from heaven. 'Kanda? Kanda! Wake up, you stupid retard!'  
It was a woman's voice.

No…  
No!  
He wanted to stay in that place! Peaceful! Free… not bound by rules, church or Innocence.  
'Let me stay…' He whispered just before he collapsed.

When he opened his eyes again, he was in the Black Order.  
Home for most of the exorcist. Not for him. He had no home. Nowhere.

'Kanda! You're awake!' Now that stupid Lenalee was crying again!  
'I know that I'm awake!' He shouted. 'Go away!'  
He tried to sit up, but his back hurt enormous.  
He sank back in the pillows groaning.

'Calm down, Kanda, you broke you leg and wrist, you back is hurt as well. You've to rest.'  
'And you shouldn't tell me what I've to do, leave, now!'  
Komui entered the room. 'I can hear you woke up. Don't be so loud, Allen is still sleeping.'  
'Is that cursed freak also in this room?'  
'That cursed freak, like you call him, is fighting for his life right now!' Komui began to lose his calm, he had been up whole night 'cause all of the exorcists sent on a mission, had come back wounded, and one of them didn't made it. Chaoji Han passed away just over midnight.

Komui sighed. 'Let me see your wounds.'  
He knocked of the sheets and Kanda realized he was only wearing his boxer shorts, but Lenalee had already left the room.

It was the samurai's first time to have so many deep wounds.

'Your wounds aren't healing that fast anymore now your curse is gone huh?'  
'Tsch.' Kanda turned his head away from the purple-haired science-freak.

His leg and wrist were splinted, and he had some scratches and bruises all over his body. Also some deep cuts.

'How long should I stay here?' He muttered.  
'I don't know, 'till your wounds are healed.' Komui answered while taking a couple of bandages to cure the young man's wounds. 'You were lucky Allen could hold of the Noah clan for a while. It could me much worse than it's right now. I want you to realize that you could be dead.' The scientist said.

'Are you telling me I have to thank that cursed Moyashi? It's because of him that the Noah's came after us! If he only didn't host the brother of the earl, than, aaaah!' He screamed.  
The pain from his back began to spread throughout his whole body. There came tears in his eyes. He almost bit a piece of his tongue 'cause moving so wild caused him a lot of pain.

'Don't be so violent, Kanda, you have to lay down, otherwise you won't be able to walk anymore. If you don't rest enough, you'll make it very difficult for you body to heal.'

'As if I care!'

'I know you do care!'

'Shut the fuck up! Just take care of the bandages and then leave! Or I'll slice you in halfs!'

'How are you going to do that? You can't move without pain.' Gibed the division head.

'Shut up!' Kanda repeated.

Komui shaked his head, and did some disinfectant on a tuft of cotton wool. 'This might pick a little.' He warned.

'Tsch.'

'Stop tsch-ing! You're getting on my nerves!' Now Komui really began to lose his patience. 'Kanda, please, it's been a long night, I can't have your bad-humoured state now. I'll do my job, then I'll leave and go to sleep, so please just stay quiet. AND STOP TRYING TO HIT ME!' You'll get even more hurt!'

'Then stop hurting me with that goddamned disinfectant!'

'It's for your own best!'

'I don't care!' Kanda barked.

Komui sighed. 'I give it up.' He dropped his instruments and left the room. 'I'll send Reever to take care of you if you've calmed down.'

Kanda tried to grab the sheets so he could go back to sleep. Doing that, his back hurt a lot and he wasn't able to use both of his hands 'cause of the bandage around his wrist.  
'Damned science-freak, damned Moyashi.' He muttered.

He sank back into the pillows when he finally managed to knock the sheets back. Every square millimeter in his body hurt. His head was throbbing.

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.  
'Kanda? Kanda?' someone shook his shoulder.  
The young man waked up. He stared straight into the eyes of the spiky-haired scientist. Reever Wenham. He was an Australian, and he was the leader of a science department.

'Kanda? May I cure your wounds? You don't want them to get infected, do you?'

'Do if you like.'

Reever helped Kanda in a sitting position. The samurai screamed because of the pain that action was causing. Mad, he tried to hold the tears back.

He hated this weakness!

Now his curse was gone, he couldn't recover that fast anymore. Sometimes, he really wanted to get back that curse.

Now he sat up, he could see the room better than before. He was shocked by seeing Allen Walker. The teen's whole face was swollen and covered in wounds. Even in coma, he suffered in pain.

'Is he going to be all right?' Kanda asked.

'We don't know yet. Neah's trying to kill his spirit.'

'You mean that Moyashi's going to be taken over by that guy?'

'That's one possibility. An other one is that Crown Clown starts fighting against the Noah. And then Allen can get killed by them.'

'In other words, there's now way that he can stay who he is? He can't stay human?'

'As I just said, we don't know yet.'

'I know it. Moyashi's going to win against that creep! There's no way in hell he would ever lose himself! He's going to survive this, I'm sure of that.'

After Reever had took care of the blue-haired man (who's whole chest was covered in bandages), he gave him something to sleep and left.

Kanda's eyes became heavy and he was entrained in a restless sleep.  
Just before he closed his eyes, he heard Moyashi whispering something.

'Mana…'

'Keep on walking, Moyashi…' He muttered.


	4. Chapter 4

Memories

ATTENTION! I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY MAN OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS!  
D. GRAY-MAN BELONGS TO HOSHINO KATSURA!

Chapter III

Again.  
He was back.  
Again.  
Damned white world.

The sparkles were all gone. But the floor was covered in lotus flowers.  
There was no noise, no movie playing.  
Everything was silent and calm.

He liked it.

This was a place where no on could disturb him.  
Only he could come here.

Breathing was easier than before. It seemed like there was more oxygen in the air.

'Why does it feel so nice?' It felt like he could be living here forever. It was just like dreaming or sleeping. It was not real.

'Why is my mind so empty?' His voice echoed against the invisible fog.  
He didn't know what to do.

If his memories really were comin' back, and that fucking sparkle had something to do with it, than should there be some clue about his brain. 'Cause this was his second time to use this brain. Before, he got killed by an Akuma and they transplanted his brain into a new, young body. His birth as a Second.

He was the only one who had survived the project. The was young and healthy, his body was strong and even without curse, he'd recover fast from his wounds.

He closed his eyes.  
He was overwhelmed by the silence.

He wanted to see another an other fragment of his memories.

And suddenly a sparkle came out of one the lotus flowers.

'Finally.' He sighed. 'I'm not afraid of my past.' He said, and he touched the sparkle without hesitation.

This time, the movie started immediately. There wasn't first only the sound. He saw the teenage boy from the previous time, trying to follow Edgar and the two fast-walking Exorcists.

He was already covered with scratches, and he had totally run out of energy.  
'Hé, when can I get some rest?' He barked.

One of the Exorcists turned around and answered: 'We're almost at the train station.'

'We have already past eight train stations! Why couldn't we get on train by one of them? It's the same railway! Oh! But yeah! You guys are so stupid! Thinking you're way better than normal humans! I hate your kind!'

'Calm down, Yu…' Edgar began.

**'Do. Not. Use. My. First. Name!'**The teen yelled.

'Calm down! Do you think we like to take innocent children away by their parents to make fighting machines of them? To make them fight in our war between us and the Earl? We're humans too! We also have feelings!'

'Don't act like that! I already said I hate your kind! I'm not a child anymore! I'm fifteen!'

'Deep inside of us, we all stay a bit childish.'

'Well I don't! I left my past there! I can't go back!' He stretched his arm backwards, where his parents still were.

_home _

No.

It wasn't his home anymore. He had no home.

He was going to a scary place, called the Black Order. It sounded dark and mysterious.

Finally they reached the station. But instead of waiting for the next train to get up, the Exorcist went underground to another, hidden railway.

'Just what the hell is this?'  
No one answered but just pushed the teen into the carriage and closed the doors.  
When they had took a seat, Edgar began: 'This is a secret railway, only used by Exorcist and their Finders. It will go overground over a couple of kilometres and lead us to the Organization.'

'How do you feel right now? Proud?' Kanda asked on an ironic tone.

'No I don't. Try t o sleep a little, soon we're going to walk another twenty kilometres, because the railway stops a while before the Order, 'cause there are rocks in the way and also, we don't want normal humankind to come there. It's dangerous. The Order attracts Akuma.'

'We're still in Asia right? This is no magic-teleport-train or something like that?' He raised one eyebrow while asking.  
'This is no fairytale, Y… Kanda.' Edgar corrected himself right on time.

'Sadly.' The teen turned his head away from the other people and tried to sleep. The seats were soft, warm and comfortable.

The Kanda who was watching all this, the almost twenty years old one (physical), couldn't believe his eyes. That secret railway was closed almost twelve years ago!

_This really was his past… _

Suddenly, it seemed like someone pressed a 'forward'-button on a video recorder. The movie played fast forward.

When it was back to normal, the teen waked up. The train was above the ground again. The view was awesome. There were giant rocks everywhere and a river was flowing on the left side of the train.

'We're almost there. Get ready to get out of train.'

The young teen sighed. 'Tsch.'  
The watching Kanda smiled. Tsch-ing was something even dead couldn't erase.

'We have to jump off. The train doesn't stop, it goes back underground and there it turns 180 degrees and goes back to the station.'

'Are you saying there's no station here? The train does just drive in full speed further? Are you serious?'

'I'm afraid I am.

'Fuck. You've gotta be kidding me.'

'Half a minute before we've to jump, chief.' One of the exorcists said.

'Come on Kanda. You'll never forget about this awesome moment.' Everyone stand up and Edgar opened the doors. 'Three, two, one… now!'

All of them jumped of the train, just before it went back underground.

'That was a close one.' Edgar smiled.

The teen sighed. He had just risked his life for becoming something he doesn't want to be.  
They left for anther twenty miles. Towards the Asian Branch.

The Kanda who was listening, saw that the Exorcist wanted to say something, but all of a sudden, there was someone from outside his mind screaming.

**'NEAH! DON'T! MANA! **

The samurai shocked awake. 'Goddamned Moyashi!' He yelled.

But then he saw Moyashi was vomiting blood.

_'Moy...' _He whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

Memories  
  
ATTENTION! I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY MAN OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS!  
D. GRAY-MAN BELONGS TO HOSHINO KATSURA!

Chapter VI

'Mana!' the teens whole body was trembling and shaking. Blood filled his mouth when he tried to scream.

'Komui! Reever! Something's very wrong with the sprout!' The samurai knocked off his sheets and ignored the pain trying to stand was causing. 'Keep it up Baka Moyashi! You're not that freak! Fight! Goddamned beansprout! I know you'll win!'

The young man sank through his legs.

Suddenly, Reever was behind him and helped him back in bed.

'Reever! Let the fuck go of me! Take care of Moyashi!'

Lenalee also ran into the room. 'Kanda? Why are you walking ar… ALLEN!'

The green-haired girl was in a flash next to Allen. She helped him upright. 'Allen! Get a hold of yourself!'

The eyes of the young boy opened and he smiled lightly, like someone who was going to die. 'Lena…lee…' while speaking, drops of blood spit out of his mouth, his open, gray eyes were bloodshot, his white, beautiful hair was wet 'cause of his sweat and stuck against his forehead. He really looked like he was about to die….

_as if only the pillow in his back and the voices of the people in the room kept him awake, alive _

'Ssst Allen, don't talk. You don't have to fight anymore now, Nii-san will be here soon and he'll make an end to you pain.' Lenalee whispered in tears, she cleaned his mouth and nose and kissed his cheeks. 'Allen-kun.'

'Lenalee… it hurts… he's everywhere… everyone… don't… don't leave me…'

'We're all by your side, Allen, no one's gonna leave you.'

'T-thanks.'

'We're with you 'till the very end.' Kanda said.

Everyone stared at him.

'Kanda… did… you just say… you'll stay… with me…?'

'Yeah, I think so…'

'You're… friendly…'

'Don't get used to it, Moyashi.'

'My name is…'

'Allen, I know, I'm not that stupid retard you're holding me for, Baka Moyashi. Stop talking now, you must rest.'

Finally, Komui entered the room. The teen had closed his eyes again. 'Allen? I'm gonna make an end to your pain.'

'No! You don't.' Allen's voice was loud and clear.

'Moyashi?' Kanda asked.

The white-haired Exorcist opened his eyes and sneered.

_'That goddamned, annoying idiot is gone now, he won't come back. It's Neah now.' _

The gray eyes of the teen had turn golden.

'No way…' The samurai whispered. Then he screamed: 'Allen! I know you're in there! Baka Moyashi! Fight! Goddammit! Don't lose control now!'

'It's helpless! That annoying fart won't… what the… why are you… **LET GO OF MY BODY NEAH!' **Allen was gaining control again. 'You'll never, ever erase me! **I **am Allen Walker! This is **my **life! Not yours! I'll destroy you!'

Allen activated his Innocence, whit the intention of making a sword of his arm. Komui stood back, but Lenalee came closer to the dying boy. 'I know you can do it Allen-kun.'

Kanda was the only one who saw the danger. The sprouts eyes flickered golden for just a moment.

'Lenalee! Go away!'

But his warning came too late. Neah took over control and stabbed the girl with Allen's Innocence-fingers.

'Allen-kun…' She said, before he fell on the floor, bleeding like hell.

'LENALEE!' Komui cried. He sank on his knees, trying to stop his sister's bleeding.

'Nii-san.' She whispered. Tears were rolling over her cheeks. 'Nii-san, I'm off…'

'No! Lenalee! Don't leave me! Lenalee!'

She smiled lightly. 'Wait for me, brother. I'm coming home again. I'll come.'

'Time Recovery!' a voice shouted. A yellow circle of clocks came into being around brother and sister.

'Miranda!' Reever said, staring at the female Exorcist in the doorway. Her Innocence was activated, which means a dark plate with yellow circles on it, had come down from her shoulder, to just above her wrist. She had a bandage around her head, but she was wearing her uniform.

Lavi also entered the room on crutches. His ankle was totally shattered. 'What happened here guys?'

'The Noah took over Moyashi for just a second and stabbed Lenalee.'

'Oh God! Is she allright?'

'No.' Reever came out the Time Recovery. 'Even with Miranda's Innocence, she won't hold it for long.' He said.

Allen was sleeping. His face was sorrowful and a tear lay under his eye.

'Look at him.' Kanda said. 'He almost killed an innocent girl and now he's sleeping like nothing happened!'

'It wasn't Allen, Kanda, it was Neah.'

'If that Moyashi was stronger, Neah couldn't suppress him, and then, Lenalee…'

'…Would still live.' Komui said in tears. 'You can let the Time Recovery down, Miranda, she didn't made it.' Then, he started crying like never before.

Reever embraced him, and Lavi and Miranda also started crying.

Suddenly, Komui grabbed the pair of scissors Reever had used to cut Kanda's bandages and ran towards the sleeping teen.

'WHY DID YOU KILL MY SISTER? YOU DAMNED NOAH! CURSED FREAK! YOU SHOULD DIE!'

Kanda jumped out of his bed, ignoring the pain again, grabbed Mugen and defended the white-haired teen. 'I know you hat him, Komui, but it isn't his fault. It's that Noah! Lenalee was standing to close! Moyashi didn't do anything wrong!'

'Go out of my way!'

'No! Go to your room and think about what you've done!' Then, Yu realized that was a sentence Lenalee always said to her brother.

'GO OUT OF MY WAY!' The scientist kicked the samurai's leg.

Everything became black before Kanda's eyes. 'Don't… touch… the Moyashi.'

His leg… it hurt… a lot…

The last thing he saw was Lavi's shocked face.

Then, he blacked out…


	6. Chapter 6

Memories  
  
ATTENTION! I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY MAN OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS!  
D. GRAY-MAN BELONGS TO HOSHINO KATSURA!

Chapter V

He couldn't stand, this was the first time that happened. No matter how much he was wounded before, he was always healed when he came here, but now he wasn't. His legs were paralysed.  
'What is this? Why can't I move?' His voice sounded weird, like he just stopped crying, suffocated in tears. But he didn't cry. He did never cry.

Tsch.

There were blossoms everywhere. When he was a little child, there was only one, but he had grown and also the number of flowers did.

Within the distance of ten meters, a flower burst open and a sparkle was released.

'Goddammit! Stupid flower! I can't walk you now?' He started using bad language, and dragged his body towards it. While cursing, he remarked that he had a stupid desire to know more about his past.  
And that desire gave him power to move.  
When he touched the sparkle, full of self-confidence, there was a huge beam of light, raising up towards the sky.  
The beam expanded and shaped a screen.

'Come on! Let me see what that Exorcist wanted to say the previous time just before that Moyashi woke me up and killed my childhood friend!'

Lenalee won't come back again. He was back, Link was back, but a dead person couldn't be revived. She died in the claws of that goddamned Noah, just as general Cross said.

_"If you become the fourteenth, you'll have to kill someone you care about."_

And now, Neah had taken him over for just a second and his prediction had already came true.

What if Allen was going to kill another person? Who was the next one? Was he? He didn't hope so.

He first wanted to discover everything about his past. Then, he would decide if he wanted to live further.

Suddenly his attention was cough by the screen. A fragment of his memories started playing.

'Finally, that took a long time.'

What he hoped to see (what the Exorcist wanted to say), stayed a dream. 'cause this time the four men had already arrived at the Black Order.

'Where the fuck are we?'

'We call it the Dark Order, the Black Order, Black or Dark Organization, and often even home.'

'Home?' The teen joked. 'A home is supposed to be warm and cosy, this building is just totally freaked out. Cold, dark, and so goddamned ugly I can't even look at it! It's horrible!'

'It's your new home.'

'I don't need a new home! My old one was good! But no, you guys had to take it from me! Bring me to this isolated place witch a dangerous train that can cost your life! I wish I could die!'

Our Kanda, the watching one, raised an eyebrow. Exactly seven years later, he would die from an Akuma-attack. Ironic?  
Fate was testing him. In this life again. In his previous life, he had made faults, he had challenged fate and he had lost, he died. But now, he got a second chance, he won't make the same faults twice. He won't lose this game.

He focused back on the screen.

'Kanda, calm down.'

'Don't tell me what I've to do!'

One of the Exorcists grabbed the teen's arm. 'Hey, boy, calm down okay? Stay a month, if you then still want to end your life, then I'll do it for you.'

'Fine.' Barked Kanda.

They followed a path to the building in silence. The only they that could be heard was the sound of their footsteps on the rocks.

This department of the Black Order looked a lot like the Headquarters, in Europe. But this was Asia, Headquarters was almost a hundred meters higher and also a lot smaller.

_"In this department were only five Exorcists."_thought the grown up Kanda.

Now there were no. 'Cause of the proofs on Second Exorcists, Central had decided to bring all the compatible users to the Headquarters.  
And he, Yu Kanda, was the only one who had survived the experiments. He was the only remaining Second Exorcist that was still alive. Almost a year ago, he had killed Alma Karma, also a Second Exorcist, but they (Central) had transplanted a piece of the Akuma Egg in him, in order to create Thirds. Exorcists who weren't compatible with Innocence, they were half Akuma and did cannibalism to kill other Akuma. But the Millennium Earl had made Alma Karma gone wild and Yu had to kill him. His only "nakama". The soul of the woman he loved.

A tear shined in the corner of his eye. He would never forgive the Order what they had done to Alma. And even now he had returned, he did still hate the way the Order treated innocent people.

A door opened in the giant building.  
'Honey, we're home!' Called Edgar.

A woman that Kanda remembered to be Tui (Edgars wife and Bak Chan's mother) came out of a room and embraced her fiancé. They kissed long and full with passion. Like Ed had been on a journey for months. Not just two or three days.

The teen turned around, arms crossed. He didn't want to see that. It made him remember the way his parents were, when they were younger and they didn't lost three of their children. Brothers and sisters of him.

'Oh, sorry.' Edgar said, scratching his head and smiling.

'Just do if you want, this is your home.'  
'Also yours Yu.'

**'Do. Not. Call. Me. By. That. Name.'**

'Why not? I think it's a nice name.' Tui said, kissing her almost-husband again.

'It's a Chinese name for a GIRL!'

'Wait, then, why do you have a girl's name?'

'Because my parent thought they were going to have a daughter when my mother was pregnant of me. But then, it turned out to be me, a boy. But I was their last child and they didn't want to change the name, 'cause they really liked it. So I was called Yu.' The teen explained.

'So you have that name just because your parents thought you would be a little girl?

'Yeah.'

'Then weren't that wrong in that way.' Edgar said.

Everyone started laughing at the same moment.

The teen smiled. 'You don't want to know how many times I heard that joke before.'


	7. Chapter 7

Memories  
  
ATTENTION! I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY MAN OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS!  
D. GRAY-MAN BELONGS TO HOSHINO KATSURA!

Chapter VI

He woke up with a bright smile on his face. No sadistic I-am-gonna-kill-you- smile, but a really warm and cute smile.

He remarked Reever standing in the doorway and his face became cold and emotionless again.

'Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?'

'No, I woke up by myself.'

'I've come to refresh your bandages. Why did you smile?'

'I wasn't smiling.'

'I saw it, Kanda, you were smiling. I'm sure of it.'

'I had a bad dream.' Kanda sighed.

'Then, why were you smiling?'

'Because I wish it'd truly happen.'

'What was it about? Geez! You bandages are all soaked in blood!'

'So? And I dreamt of me, killing Moyashi.' Now Kanda smiled in a sadistic way.

Reever shaked his head and continued taking off the old bandages. They had totally turned bloodred. 'I wonder why you're still alive, it looks like you really lost a lot of blood.'

'I'm Kanda. A little bit less of blood won't kill me.'

'Reever raised an eyebrow. 'It was a close one this time, Kanda. Komui kicked you so hard that you've a lot of internet bleedings and injuries. I think you could say Lavi's crutch has save your life. He hit Komui before he could start kicking you head.'

Finally the last bandages came loose and Yu's naked skin was shown. Around the cuts and wounds he already had, now were bruises. The skin by his mark was so dark, you almost couldn't see his mark anymore. Komui had pointed at his heart. He had wanted to stop the Second Exorcist's heartbeat. He tried to kill him.

Kanda laid a hand on his mark. 'I won't die. That's a promise I made in a long away past. And I'll fulfill my promise.'

'You're talking about what you promised Alma?'

'No, about what I promised myself.'

The place where his hand laid, was throbbing, it hurt.

No. He won't die.  
He was Yu Kanda. The only Exorcist who had made it through the Second Experiment. He survived and he wouldn't die due to a scientist who had lost control over himself because of the death of his sister.

'How long was I unconscious?'

'Almost fourteen hours. I thought you'd never wake up again.'

'Where's Komui now?'

'In his room, he had drunk so much he couldn't even stand anymore. Now he's sleeping his intoxication off. He's totally broken by the death of his little sis.'

'I can understand that. Losing someone important to you is…' He hesitated. 'Painful' he said.

Reever took some disinfectant and put it on the young man's wounds. Kanda sucked air into his mouth when the tuft of cotton wool touched his skin. It was like the product was burning a hole in his body.

'Dammit!' He screamed and started cursing.

'Are you ok?' Reever asked, almost fatherly like.

'Yeah, but that thing you're putting on me is hurting like hell!'

'I know, I'm sorry but I don't have something that strong that doesn't hurt.'

'It's all right. Hey! Where's Moyashi?'

'They took Allen to the lab. They're trying to separate Neah from him.'

'You mean killing the Noah?'

'Yeah…'

'What did Allen say?'

'He doesn't know it yet.'

'What?'

'He had an heart-attack… Neah is killing him. We have to take him out of Allen.'

'Is Moyashi going to survive this? What if Neah kills him before you guys can take him out and destroy him?'

Reever staid silent.

'Reever?'

'I hope he'll survive. He's a really good Exorcist. And he's so young. He's only fifteen years old and he had already so much bad luck in his life, Mana, Cross as master, and now, he discovered he's a Noah…'

'Yeah, Moyashi isn't born for good luck I guess.'

Reever began to take fresh bandages.

Kanda groaned.

'Sorry, I'm trying to hurt you as less as possible.'

'I'm fine.'

'Is your leg ok? Komui kicked you pretty hard. It broke a second time.'

'So, my leg is broken twice?'

'Yes. We don't know how fast you'll recover now your curse is gone.'

'Tsch.'

Reever worked further, fast, without saying anything. The young man hesitated to tell the scientist about his coming back memories.  
He won't  
Maybe it were just dreams. His fantasy was on the run with his head.

'Stupid dreams.' He muttered.

'What?' Reever asked, he wasn't paying attention at Kanda until then. 'What did you say?'

Oh god… what could he say? 'Eh… I said stupid beams.' He stammered, lifting his hand to block the sunlight that was streaming through the window.

'Oh, I'll close the blinds.'

'Hmm.' Fuck, he almost betrayed himself. _"Idiot"_he called himself.

Now, Reever had almost bandaged his whole chest. 'You're bleeding pretty fast, Kanda.'

'I don't care.'

'It's your life that's streaming out of you.'

'Yeah yeah, just give me something to sleep 'kay?'

'If that's what you want.' He prepared a syringe with a lot of anesthetic. 'Go to sleep, Kanda.' He said, he cleaned the place and left the room.

A few moments later, the head-nurse entered, pushing a bed with Allen in it. Allen was sitting upright, there was something wrong.

The samurai didn't want a conversation with the nurse, so he closed his eyes and pretend to be asleep.

Her footsteps faded and he opened his eyes again. He looked at the Moyashi.

Allen didn't move. He sat in his bed, his face was deathly pale and his cheeks were shrunken. His scar was blood-red, also his scratches were, and the blood on his face had dried. His hair was flat, it lost all its life. The snow-white locks had become a dirty sort of white, like it was dry and dead, as if it could fall out every second. His once so deep, beautiful gray eyes, now were hollow, they were almost white, with a little stripe of gold in them. His eyes were staring into nothing.

'Moyashi?' Kanda asked.

No reaction.

'Allen?'

No reaction.

'ALLEN?'

It came as a shock to him. Realizing what it was with the teen.

_Allen was dead…_

** ATTENTION! Between this chapter and the next one will be an extra story, about Allen Walker. To honor him, as a dead person in my fanfic.**


	8. Chapter 8

Memories

**ATTENTION! I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY MAN OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS!  
****D. GRAY-MAN BELONGS TO HOSHINO KATSURA!**

Chapter VII

No! No! Moyashi! No!  
The samurai tried to scream but there was no sound coming out of his throat.  
Those stupid sedatives began to work!  
He almost couldn't open his eyes again.  
No! This was no time to… just a few minutes…he would go to sleep for just a few minu…  
He let the sleepiness take his body over.

'LET. ME. OUT!' He groaned, full awaken in his with lotus flowers filled brain.  
'Goddamned!'

At least, he could move again, that was better than being paralyzed.

He decided to let another memory come. 'Okay, the faster this is over, the faster I can go back and see if Allen really died.'

A new, bright sparkle flew in his direction. He touched it immediately.  
A screen started playing.

The teen was sitting in a room. The room was empty, except from a bed, a wardrobe and a bedside-table. The walls were painted black and on the door, there was a rose cross with his name in it. "Yu Kanda" did they knew he'd come here?

Tui said she would come and show him around the whole Order. Now he was waiting for her.  
He was glad he had an awesome view from out his room. It was on the fifth and highest floor and he could see miles away from where he was.  
The neighborhood was flat, with here and there some rocks rising out of the earth-surface. The sky was heavenly blue and he could hear birds singing.

He sighed.

This was all just a dream. Within a couple of minutes, he'd wake up and be home, by his parents, by Yuri and Tsubasa. No more in the Dark Organization. But deep inside, he knew this was real and he couldn't go home anymore. He was locked up like a bird in a cage.

He heard someone knocking on his door.

'Enter.' He said.

Tui came in with a bright smile. 'Ready?'

'Hmm…'

'Come on! Be happy! This is your home now! You'll spend a nice time here.'

'I know but…'

'Is there something you want?'

'Yeah… eh…. This may sound weird but… a flower…'

'A flower? How lovely! Wait, I'll get a rose for you!'

'No! Eh… I don't want to be impolite but… I'd like to have a lotus flower.'

'A lotus flower?' Tui was surprised by hearing that.

'Yes, a lotus. 'cause my parents grow them. They make me calm and relaxed.'

'Well then, I'll get you one after I've showed you around the Order.'

'Thanks.'

They started walking and the teen looked at the woman. She was tall and beautiful with black hair and a small posture. But he remarked her shirt billowed by her pelvis. Just a little bit but Kanda saw it. It was just like she did eat too much.  
He thought she was a cute person and he could understand why Edgar loved her so much.

'This, is the science division.' She said, when she stopped by a big brown door with a noticeboard that said: "Don't enter!"

'Is it alright to go inside?' Kanda asked.

'Sure, that board doesn't mean anything, it's just for the show.'

'Oh, okay then.' He pushed the door open and walked inside, Tui followed.

'Well, this is the science division as I said, this is where my fiancé and I work, you can find us here if you need us.'

'Good to know.'

'Just make sure you don't drink anything, some stuff is poisonous.'

They walked down the path in the midst of the room. Suddenly, a white thing came running in their direction. 'Tui!' Edgar hugged her and then got angry. 'I told you not to come here anymore. It's dangerous for you… and our child!' He said, laying his hands on her belly.

Child? Ooh! That explained a lot… her shirt billowed 'cause there was a baby growing in her.

'Ed, I'm fine.' She sighed. 'I'm showing around the new one, our little yu.'

'Would you mind to call me Kanda? I like that name better.'

Tui laughed but Edgar stayed serious. 'Tui, really, you…'

'I'll leave ok? See you.' She kissed him, turned around and walked back to the entrance.

'Congratulations.' Kanda said.

'But keep it still a secret please. I don't want everyone to know it yet.'

'Of course, I'm silent.'

'Thanks a lot.' She walked slower now, calmer. Her face had become almost white.

'Chief? Are you okay?'

'Yeah, I'm fine.' She said, laying her hand on her belly. 'nothing wrong.' She smiled. 'Here's the canteen and if you don't mind, I'd like to take a seat here.'

'Yeah, sure, please do.' He opened the door. 'Shall I get you something to drink?'

'A bit of water would be fine. Thank you.'

The teen started running to get some water. He found a bottle and a glass and brought it to Tui. 'Are you really alright?'

'I'm pregnant, I'm not sick.' She drunk the water and sighed.

'What?' The teen asked.

'Nothing. May I ask you a favor?'

'Uhm… yeah of course.'

'If it's a boy, would you mind if I call him Yu?'

'I don't care.'

'And I hope he'll become as cute as you.'

'I'm not cute!'

'Oh yes you are!'

Kanda sighed.

Tui stood up again and walked back into the corridor, where Edgar was waiting for them, leaning against the wall. 'Tui? Go to rest. I'll show him around the rest of the Order.'

'Darling, I'm ok, really, I feel well.'

Ed grabbed her arm, trying to pull her to their room, but she knocked off his hand. 'Let go of me! Stop treating me like I'm sick! I… aaaaaah!' she groaned, holding her hands against her belly.

'Tui? Tui! What's wrong?' Edgar panicked.

But Tui didn't answer, she only screamed in pain. A second later, she fell on the floor, unconscious.

'No! Tui! Someone, help me!' Edgar sat on his knees, Tui's head was laying on his lap. He ground under her colored red.

A nurse came running to them, when Tui all of a sudden awaked. 'Edgar! Ed! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!'

'Tui, the nurse is here, everything will be alright.'

'Branch head, look at me, I'm gonna carry you to the hospital.'

'Our child…' Tui cried when the nurse tilled her in her strong arms.

Kanda started running away, tears filled his eyes. Tui's child, the little Yu… from that moment, he decided to never let someone call him "Yu" again.  
From now on, his name would be nothing but "Kanda".


End file.
